Says Who??

Verstehen, through shared perspectives


2 Comments

I AM NOT A ROBOT (not a Luddite, either)

robot pt

Last summer my beloved Mercury Milan decided to give me mechanical problems, for the first time in the five years I had owned it. It simply refused to start occasionally, without any causality that my mechanic or I could discover. After several nerve-wracking months of this (along with the inevitable and infuriating responses from mechanics: “It starts just fine for me”), I was ready to drive it into the Ohio River. It probably would not have started so I could get it there, though.

I finally convinced a mechanic at the dealership to put the car on the computer for diagnosis. As both a former nurse and present patient, I liked that word diagnosis, and had no qualms about using it for the vehicle I had anthropomorphized by naming it Mahitabel, projecting both positive and negative emotions and reactions on its “behavior,” and more recently developing a love/hate relationship with it. The diagnosis, according to the computer, was that on several occasions in the past few months someone had tried to start my car with a key that did not belong to the car. Therefore, it did not start.

It took about ten more minutes of questioning by the mechanic, who proposed the possibility that someone was trying to steal my car, and answers by me insisting that this made no sense at all, before he looked carefully at my car key. It was bent, and one tiny place may have been chipped. He made me a new key and my buddy Mahitabel and I have traveled together predictably and smoothly ever since.

My point? The computer (a machine) understood more about my car (a machine) than both the mechanic and the owner. Yet both the mechanic and the owner had to engage in some research and analysis on the human level before the “diagnosis” could be corrected and treatment applied. The computer supplied data based on its programmed knowledge of the vehicle; the humans provided the ability to utilize both inductive and deductive reasoning, applied to real-life, present-world situations, to ascertain the actual problem.

This brings me at last to the reason I am writing this post. Two years ago, I posted “The Healers,” in which I compared the observations and insights of an African traditional healer with the best of today’s physicians, noting that in each case the healer was most effective when working as a caring and observant human healer to a human patient. I concluded that computers could not take the place of any physician true to his or her calling https://www.maryleejames.com/2014/08/08/the-healers .

Two years later, I have more reason than ever to challenge the efficacy of computers in the exam room of a physician’s office. In fact, I would go so far as to say that along with insurance company rules and overreaching legislation intended to make physicians toe the (sometimes contradictory) lines drawn by groups of people who lack the training and calling of the physician, the present demands of computer program doctoring have the capability of being the last straw that finally destroys medicine as we know it.

As the title to this article insists, I am not a Luddite. I love technology, especially when it works. I love the capabilities of the internet, and the ability to keep up with friends and relatives both far and near. I enjoy being able to get online on a busy day and save myself hours of shopping, and have the desired object delivered to my door within 24 hours. I love needing an answer quickly, and finding it; needing an outline of resources for research, and locating them with ease. But it is also these answers and resources that become the problem. I have to exercise my ability to discern the junk from the credible; the scams from the honest reports, because all that this wonderful piece of machinery can provide me with is the data that has been entered, just like my experience with the computer at the car dealership. It can’t make human judgements for me. Without my education and my experience, the overwhelming amount of unquestioned data could get me into a lot of trouble.

Therefore, I am concerned about the time my physicians must spend entering data about me into a limited machine. I am a sociologist, after all, and acutely aware of the reality that whenever humans are the subject of analysis, results are immediately complicated by a lack of predictability, and of psychological understanding; accuracy is also complicated by the uniqueness of every human being and his or her response to a given situation, whether physical or otherwise. And no situation for any patient is completely within the realm of any one discipline. We are affected by more than our pain—we are emotionally affected by its consequences, or by outside considerations that have nothing to do with the pain, but that affect our lives. We are affected intellectually by our understanding of the meaning of the pain, and what it may mean for ourselves and those closest to us; this translates again into emotional effects, which may or may not complicate the situation of the pain and therefore any understanding of the real diagnosis and best treatment.

That only considers the tip of the iceberg. It is dehumanizing to both doctor and patient to reduce medical practice to the inadequate data that can be acquired from, or placed into, a machine. It is dehumanizing to try to explain one’s most frightening and intimate problems to someone who may never look you in the eye, or ask a question not required by the computer program. Especially when that computer operator is frustrated because he or she is not familiar with the program, or because it is not working properly. How do you know if the diagnosis or treatment is going to be safe and effective under these circumstances?

Worse, how do you trust that the information entered into that computer is correct? I can’t tell you how often I have read reports of my office visits only to wonder whose record has been confused with mine. I have read “patient states” something I not only did not state, but that wasn’t true. I have read reports of findings of physical examinations that never took place….and also failed to accurately reflect my physical condition at the time. Yet in years past—even after computers were commonplace—when doctors simply dictated their reports of office visits the results were informative, correct, and usable. I know, because for years I used to type up those dictated reports, and saw letters of thanks from recipients like other physicians, insurance companies, and physical therapists who were able to understand and make use of them.  I even learned a lot of medicine from their logical presentation of cause, effect and treatment.

Even more important, however, is the effect of human touch: The caring hand on a shoulder while explaining a difficult prognosis; the gentle holding of the hand of a terrified patient. The healing effects of caring human touch cannot be measured, and certainly cannot be replaced by a machine of any kind.

I do not propose to take computers away from medical practice, but only that the computers not take the physician away from medical practice. We were intelligent enough to invent computers, and I would hope that we would be intelligent enough to discern the times when their data gathering and sorting capability can be used to best advantage, while the very human, intuitive and caring abilities of our physicians remain in the human realm where they are most effective. Perhaps then physician suicides might drop from more than 400 each year, and more brilliant young people might consider the medical field desirable.

 We need human physicians, because we are not robots.

robot doc


1 Comment

THE SOUL’S MUSIC RESTORED

 

scenic pianoHuman beings have a wonderful gift that I firmly believe connects our spiritual nature to the source of its being. The ability to create beautiful sounds from our own throats, to use our brains to compose melodies and harmonies that become operas, concertos, requiems, ballets, and marches; to combine our voices in the multiple harmonies and rhythms of the choir, accompanied by instruments we have invented for that purpose, is beyond comprehension. The results are so pleasing to us that whether for a free concert or when having to pay a large price for tickets, we will gather together to enjoy this gift that speaks to our souls as a community, or we will listen to recordings by ourselves as we bask in the restoration and pleasure of the experience.

Many of us are drawn to a particular genre of music that has a greater capacity for energizing, calming, or healing that is special to our unique self. Maybe it has the ability to do all of this; perhaps it also becomes a comforting presence to the person who is alone with their joy, sorrow, or just with their thoughts. In any case, those for whom music is a vital part of their life enjoy a profound relationship with it, even if they only have the ability to listen with all their hearts and cannot produce the music itself.

For me, music has always been important. I am almost transported to a higher plane of being when listening to classical music, my favorite—especially to classical piano. Having played several instruments when I was younger, including piano, organ, violin and alto clarinet, I often found myself fingering the notes of a particularly moving or thunderous passage—sometimes even waving my arms in the fashion of a conductor as my entire body listened to, and was moved by, the music. Until it was not.

It has been more than twenty years since I could bear to listen to the classics. Listening to the music was not something I did passively; it could not be background for other activity. I had to stop and concentrate, to listen with my entire body and soul. The music demanded it. So as I grew older, and the disease processes that create my chronic pain grew worse and required all my energy to cope, I no longer had the ability to listen to the classics—especially the piano. It actually hurt, because those pathways of pleasure were now overcome by pathways of pain and illness. Instead of soothing, the music irritated inflamed nerves.

pain photo

 In my previous articles, however, one could follow the wonderful restoration of my ability to function physically under the dedicated care of a pain management physician. I have even regained the ability to work part time, and to function quite normally in taking care of myself. I have often remarked that my brain is not what it used to be, but I was beginning to feel more like myself. This has been an amazing journey; one that continually filled me with awe and gratitude for being given a second chance to live a productive life unbound by severe chronic pain.piano keys

In fact, in the past few weeks I have become aware of an additional blessing. I find myself, more and more often, listening to classical music and especially to classical piano. It has now even taken the place of the less demanding substitutes that occasionally accompanied my drive to work. I am able to listen at home now, giving the music my entire attention.   In other words, I am once again able to listen to “my” music with my body and soul, and to experience the healing and restoration, the uplifting resonances and the calming adagios that exemplify the genre.

I am so very grateful to the physician who continues to serve those with chronic pain despite the cultural unpopularity of that service, and who kept working with me until I regained my ability and determination to live. As a special and additional blessing, I now feel as though a missing piece of my soul has been restored by “my” music, and I am finally, wholly myself once more. And more than ever, I believe that music is one gift given to us that connects us spiritually with the source of our being,  and I again experience the connection, in gratitude.


6 Comments

“ALTERNATIVE” VS. “SUPPLEMENTAL” PAIN CARE

The latest heresy propagated by the misguided War on Drugs, particularly the version that is an opiophobic war against pain patients and their physicians, is that engendered by both pop and professional psychology. In short, it is the claim that to control one’s own pain by controlling thought processes is a better alternative than pain medication for chronic pain. Thus, mental self-control is added to physical therapy, diet, and exercise, as purveyors of these so-called better methods hope to gain the income they saw going to legitimate, board certified pain management physicians who actually provide relief from pain. The heresy is that theirs is an alternative therapy, when in fact for far too many chronic pain patients it is at best a supplement to actual pain relief by medical methods.

Before addressing this heresy, allow me to outline my credentials for debunking it. For 46 years I have suffered from degenerative disc disease. At the present time, there is no part of my spine unaffected by this process, no part that fails to add to the pain. At four different places in my back and neck, there are outgrowths (stenosis, protruding disc material, arthritis and one spinal meningioma) intruding on the spinal cord itself, with resulting radicular pain, weakness in extremities, and the potential for paralysis. In addition, 14 years ago I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, with severe diabetic neuropathy. Walking produces paradoxical pain and numbness, often resulting in missteps and falling if I do not actually see where my feet are.

Because I have always been unable to take pain medications (as well as many other medications), early on I accepted the responsibility for dealing with my pain pretty much on my own. To the extent possible, I considered it a “mind over matter” situation and learned to compartmentalize the pain while I worked full time all those years, was divorced and learned to support myself, gained first a nursing certification and then a Ph.D.  While these “alternatives” to pain medication made life possible up to a point, it remained very difficult and the control was as often geared toward forcing myself to keep going as it was to training my mind away from the pain.

I held positions that were demanding and stressful, often working 60-70 hours a week and rarely getting more than 3-4 hours sleep because of the pain. As both a nurse and a professional social scientist, I was knowledgeable about the supplemental psychological and physical methods I was using. But no matter how well I used distraction, being useful, loving my job, and being positive; no matter how I accepted my pain as simply another part of my life and tried to minimize its presence in my thoughts and mind, it continued taking its toll on my body and my life. THESE SUPPLEMENTAL METHODS OF PAIN CONTROL WERE INSUFFICIENT, NEITHER REMOVING MY PAIN NOR REDUCING ITS EFFECTS ON MY BODY.

Three years ago, all the defects in my efforts to control chronic pain came to a devastating but inevitable concluding failure. The discs on either side of a lower thoracic vertebra “imploded”—displacing the vertebra, and creating scoliosis from that point upward in my spine. The pain, added to what I already suffered, was too excruciating for me to fight. Additionally, other disease processes were becoming worse from the long-term stress: my diabetes was out of control, I had cardiac problems, allergies, and severe gastric issues. I retired from full time work at the age of 72, and moved to a city where I hoped to find good medical care and a church family where I would feel at home. I did not think it would be for long, and often my pain was so exquisite, so unrelenting, that I prayed for the relief of death.

That, in summary, is the story of my life without pain medication. It was a long nightmare of having to give over so much of my personal energy to keeping pain levels manageable that I had nothing left for the responsibilities of any kind of family or personal life. Pain was the constant companion of my days and nights for so many years that I had forgotten many of the pleasures of a life free of pain. Don’t get me wrong—I am not looking for the reader’s sympathy. I am simply stating facts, not just for myself, but also for the millions of chronic pain sufferers in the USA who also live with untreated or undertreated chronic pain because of unjust and unreasonable regulations about what kind of treatment and how much of it they are allowed. Regulations too often created by people without the credentials or experience to understand the “unintended consequences” of their need to control a situation that has nothing to do with legitimate pain care, and everything to do with a dysfunctional understanding of addiction.

There is obviously more to my story, and that is because my selection of this city proved to be an excellent choice. Here, I was referred to a pain management physician with the skill, compassion and integrity to not only medically provide periods of full relief from my pain, but also to help me find a pain medication that I am able to tolerate. I now know with certainty, for the first time in my life, that the so-called “alternatives” to pain medication do not qualify for the term “alternative.” They simply are NOT EQUAL to the task of relieving severe, chronic, disabling pain that takes its toll on both mind and body. They can be excellent supplemental methods for maintenance of the effects of tolerable levels of pain (which differs in EACH AND EVERY patient, as do the effects of all forms of pain management) but they are no match for the pain suffered by those of us whose lives of debilitating chronic pain are defined by pain management or the lack thereof.


Leave a comment

‘TIS THE SEASON……..

little Who

 

It is once again the Christmas season—or Advent, to be accurate at the moment—and although I have avoided posting to this blog for some time now I would really love to write something relevant. But my inner voice asks: Relevant to whom?

Those for whom the pressing problem of the season is a warm place to sleep, and some food to quiet an empty stomach? They are certainly one of the reasons for the arrival of this Baby in a Manger.

The ever-increasing number of elderly orphans, especially those who lack financial resources for life necessities and medications, and who will be alone at Christmas? Yes, of course.

Refugees all over the world who have been driven from their homes, and separated from loved ones, because of hate, discrimination and war? Definitely.

Those who have been marginalized and discriminated against by institutionalized bigotry, white privilege, and the insidious lie of “color-blindness” until their frustration is at the breaking point? These, as well.

Unfortunately, I could go on and on. The list of ways in which humans deny or ignore the image of their Creator in each other is endless, sometimes almost evilly ingenious.

Perhaps, then, I could attempt to put a Christmas face on the debacle of our political system and the present electoral campaign? Frankly, this is much more difficult for me. I find it much easier to feel the Christmas spirit for those neglected and in need than for those who contribute on a daily basis to that sad situation.

Of course, as a social scientist I could write pages enumerating the evils of the system, with empirical evidence and professional objectivity. But this is not a professional research paper, and in truth I am far from objective about this subject. In fact, I am disillusioned, angry, humiliated, and absolutely broken-hearted that my country has become this spectacle of greed, ignorance, sociopathology, hatred, bigotry and downright evil.

That, of course, is primarily those who wish to be elected to public office, and whose desperate antics I have the misfortune to see every time I turn on my TV or my computer. But in the Real World, the vast majority of Americans are still the good, honest, hardworking and caring people that the average American has always been. Including—perhaps even more so—the average immigrants, present and past. Our ancestors. Those good people upon whose backs this country was built. (Ahh-did I hear the National Anthem playing somewhere?)

There, I have it. My Christmas spirit can be renewed in the lives and faces of my friends and neighbors, my colleagues and my students, my family near and far…..these, who continue to embody real Christian values and possess the humanity to live by them. These who still have empathy for the sick and unfortunate, and will do their part to help them even when they can least afford it. Who recognize the poor and helpless as brother and sister human beings, for whom this season brings to mind the fact that we worship a God who sent us a King in a manger, to remind us of what true leadership is all about, and to provide us with an example of what every Christian should aspire to in this world. Whose Son refused to sell his soul to the devil for power and wealth.

Yep. That is definitely the sound of angels that I hear.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Christ still lives and reigns within us. Alleluia!

nativity

 


Leave a comment

A Letter to Patients With Chronic Disease

What I wish every pain patient understood about working with their physicians. What Dr. Rob says certainly matches my experiences, and is very helpful.

EDS and Chronic Pain News & Info

A Letter to Patients With Chronic Disease by Dr. Rob Lamberts

This is a re-post of a wonderful essay from a few years ago that delves into the reasons for the lack of understanding and empathy between doctors and their patients with chronic illness.

Dr. Lamerts gives good advice for how we pain patients can approach our doctors to get them on our side, instead of alienating them.

Dear Patients: You have it very hard, much harder than most people understand.  Having sat for 16 years listening to the stories, seeing the tiredness in your eyes, hearing you try to describe the indescribable, I have come to understand that I too can’t understand what your lives are like. 

View original post 876 more words


2 Comments

WHY I WOULD SUPPORT NEEDLE EXCHANGE PROGRAMS

syringes“I don’t understand. Why would you, with all your experience and training, vote for a needle exchange program that supports the habits of drug users?” Her question was not rhetorical. Her face flushed with emotion, angry tears in her eyes, she radiated the frustration behind her outburst. Though the need for answers was obviously deep, she was too overwhelmed to wait through any discussion and stormed out of the room.

I fully understood her point of view, as well as her expectation that I should know better than to entertain what she saw as a completely irresponsible position, counter to all that I should know. But it was precisely my experience, as well as all my education and training, that over the years had brought me slowly but convincingly toward my present convictions on the subject. Like many of us, she may have had close and painful experiences with the devastating results of drug abuse, and with addiction. She may even have taken courses where professors taught the evils of drug use with passion, hoping to spare their young charges the life changing downward spiral of drug use. Or, she could easily be a social worker, or health care provider, daily living with the emotional draining and burnout of working with abusers and addicts. Who would blame her for her perspective on the subject? As I often tell my students, where we stand on a given issue depends on where we stand in life. Experience is valid; it is real. With social problems, however, it just can’t be generalized to explain the whole issue.

Without comprehending the whole issue, we fail to take other valid points into our understanding. And without those other valid points, we make decisions that are almost guaranteed to produce negative unintended consequences.

What are some of those other valid points?

  1. Drug abusers use and share dirty needles. This leads quickly and devastatingly to increased numbers of diseases, primarily HIV and Hepatitis C. Even if only drug users were to be affected, the incidence of disease could reach epidemic proportions.
  2. When users respond to and comply with the regulations of a needle exchange program, they can be tested for HIV and HepC, and immediate treatment begun. The cost of a needle exchange program is high, and the additional cost of treating one HIV patient could be as high as $100,000. There will be more than one patient. This is a commitment of both financial and emotional proportions that is, and should be, taken seriously by any community.
  3. The cost of not doing it is exponentially higher. First, an untreated HIV victim is likely to progress into full-blown AIDS. THE COST OF TREATING ONE AIDS PATIENT FROM THE TIME OF DIAGNOSIS TO DEATH IS, ON AVERAGE, ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Second, that untreated carrier of HIV and/or HepC is eventually going to infect any number of others in a variety of ways: Family, sex partners, healthcare workers, First Responders, law enforcement officers, good Samaritans…all are at risk. They are not the limit, however. And each one infected is going to generate costs of $100,000 to $1,000,000. The financial costs do not even begin to quantify the emotional and productivity costs to everyone from family to the entire community.

In other words, no matter the cost of the program, the cost of NOT having the program in the presence of a proven epidemic is incredibly higher!

Given #s 1-3, we have only looked at the actual costs of having, or not having, a needle exchange program. But what about the perspective of those who resent what they see as a moral, or an ethical, objection to “helping” drug abusers and addicts?

To this, I would answer first of all that the issue is NOT only about drug addicts. IT IS A PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE. It is simply not rational to fail to protect our families, neighbors, public servants and health care workers because of our antipathy toward ANY one group of people, no matter how deeply that antipathy is grounded in our being.

Second, I would remind those of us who claim to be Christians, that–all appearances to the contrary–these abusers and addicts are still human beings. Once, many were teenagers or young adults who in the blissful ignorance of their mortality succumbed to the desire for the drug-induced high, the shared forbidden experience with like-minded peers.

Others were veterans, returning with dependencies or addictions already in place as one of the costs of defending our rights to live in freedom. Still others began as patients, some who were denied proper medication and sufficient care by our laws; others who for any number of reasons (rational or irrational) took to the streets when their increased tolerance for drugs failed to meet their need for them.

And finally, the fact is that addiction is not something anyone deliberately chooses for their life. No one looks forward to that relaxing drink after a hard day at work, or even a drug-induced escape from the stresses of life, believing that one day in the future they will be a slave to a substance that no longer provides these things, but instead has become a painful, frightening and life-threatening craving, constantly demanding to be satisfied. Instead, we either say “I can’t handle [the substance]” and leave it alone; or we believe that “I can handle it,” and take our chances.

Many, in fact, may be able to handle it better than others. However, no one is fully immune from potentially developing the disease of addiction. We are learning more about risk factors on almost a daily basis, but we still cannot predict with certainty who will develop addiction.

The disease is one in which the reward center of the brain runs amok, refusing to turn off when the need for the reward is satisfied.  Aside from he repeated use of the “addicting” drug, there are risk factors:

1.  Genetic factors actually account for about half of the likelihood that an individual will develop addiction.

2. Environmental factors (i.e. where and with whom do you live and work) are influential.  Unstable social supports and problems in interpersonal relationships affect the risk.

3.  Individual resiliencies (through parenting or later life experiences) are important.

4.  Culture also plays a role, as does exposure to trauma or stressors.

Also at risk are those who suffer from chronic disease, depression, or who feel themselves alone in the world–that no one cares if they live or die.

We may never eradicate drug abuse. That is no excuse for refusing to accept the personal and financial responsibilities for changing our perspectives about those who become victims of it.

What have we got to lose by changing the ways we think about this issue and working to alleviate it? By helping users and addicts to stay alive long enough to be helped and encouraged onto a pathway out of active addiction? In our thousands of years of civilization, we certainly haven’t accomplished much with our old ways of attempted control of drug abuse. I believe it is worth trying, worth the effort to erase the stigma of addiction and restoring the will to change that must happen before an addict can fight their addiction.

After all, when a person repeats the same ineffective activity over and over, expecting a different and positive result, has this not become one definition of insanity? Haven’t we criminalized the disease of drug addiction long enough? Don’t we need to stop the insanity?  Dealing in a positive manner with addicts early enough has the potential to lower the rate of addiction that eventually leads to serious criminal activity in order to feed the addiction. Must we simply stand by and watch this happen? Programs like needle exchange and early testing in clinics don’t increase the problem. They are the only thing proven useful so far in decreasing the infectious diseases, the illegal drug use, and the consequent costs to the community.

I choose, however, to see this not as a dilemma of abandoning a moral issue for a practical one, but rather the blessing of making the right choices, for all the right reasons.

Reference for the risk factors and definition of addiction:

http;//www.asam.org/for-the-public/definition-of-addiction

Other Resources: 

http://www.cdc.gov/IDU/facts/AED_IDU_SYR.pdf

http://hcvadvocate.org/hepatitis/hepC/needle_exchange.html


1 Comment

EXPECTATIONS: Helpful and Otherwise

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Overheard in a college hallway: “I am who I am! I cannot be responsible for his expectations of me.”

The tone of voice was stressed, angry. The speaker was obviously struggling in some relationship where she felt the pain of believing she was expected to measure up to some standard with which she did not agree, or believed she could not meet. Her anger at not being accepted for that of which she felt capable seemed fed by her guilt that she had not measured up to the standards of someone important to her.

Or, was I projecting? Was I reading too much into a simple declaration, simply because it resonated so deeply? Who among us has not at some time felt the pangs of inadequacy, having somehow failed to be the person that a parent, teacher, friend or spouse thought us to be? More important, who of us is not guilty of verbally projecting our expectations on another in a judgmental fashion, capable of stripping the other of self-confidence and a sense of belonging.

Strange Family

Strange Family

As the Academic Dean of a small college in an rural area where students received a suboptimal education, as both student and faculty advocate I was often called upon to mediate the issues arising when faculty from more cosmopolitan backgrounds failed to recognize the intelligence and potential of their students, judging them only on their failure to have been adequately prepared for college level work. Faculty would often disparage the students publically, claiming they would not work, could not learn, and should not be in college. Their expectations of the students were as low as their claims, and the relationships between those faculty and their students were broken and painful. Neither group expected anything good to come from the other.unhappy 1

Yet my own experience with these students was that on the whole (of course there were exceptions – there always are) the more I expected from my students and the more I recognized their exceptional qualities, the harder they worked and the more they succeeded. Further, they returned my love and respect for them, and for each other. The same was true for my students in Africa, as well as for my students in a large city-based university.

The principle, I believe, crosses cultures and generations. I first heard it stated from a young OB-GYN physician who had been charged with overseeing residents, interns and patients in a central city hospital clinic. I had the privilege of working for him as he changed the appearance, the attitudes, and the quality of care at that clinic. Where it had been said patients were “herded like cattle” into the clinic area itself, and then into exam rooms where they were prodded, talked about over their heads between the teaching and learning physicians as though the patient was a dumb animal, where the environment itself was dirty and depressing—there was change. In an attractive, welcoming environment where every patient was treated as well as paying patients in a private doctor’s office, we were able to observe the change from surly, quarrelsome and often unwashed patients to patients who were no different from those in any doctor’s office, where they trusted their caregivers and returned the respect they were given.

What that young physician believed and lived by, and helped everyone around him to emulate, was the statement he always made: “People will respect themselves and act accordingly if they are treated with respect and dignity.” Most did just that.

What I told my faculty members was “These students will live up to—or DOWN to—your expectations. Either outcome will be elicited by your treatment of them.”

Expectations make us or break us. Expressed in love as realistic possibilities that honor and dignify the humanity of the other, they can inspire. Expressed as a judgment of the failures of the other, or as a goal absolutely not in accord with the dreams and goals of the other, they are destructive. And that includes the expectations we have of ourselves.

self-confidence